1.
Guy decides to surprise his wife by coming home from his vacation a day early.
He’s happy to see that she’s still up, as the lights are on in the bedroom, so he grabs the flowers and the chocolate, quietly let’s himself through the front door, goes up
Guy decides to surprise his wife by coming home from his vacation a day early.
He’s happy to see that she’s still up, as the lights are on in the bedroom, so he grabs the flowers and the chocolate, quietly let’s himself through the front door, goes up
2.
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.Nobody can believe that any new baby can wei
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.Nobody can believe that any new baby can wei
3.
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
4.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon.But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angr
A man left for work one Friday afternoon.But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angr
5.
There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to crash, however, there were only four parachutes.Everyone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes.One person said that he was the smartest thin
There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to crash, however, there were only four parachutes.Everyone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes.One person said that he was the smartest thin
6.
Fred was very old, sick, and doctors said he would not l and dying.There was an elderly man at home in his bed, dying.He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs, and he wanted one last cookie before he die
Fred was very old, sick, and doctors said he would not l and dying.There was an elderly man at home in his bed, dying.He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs, and he wanted one last cookie before he die
7.
A guy comes home from work and he is quite upset.His wife looks worried and asks him what's wrong.He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.“Honey, what i
A guy comes home from work and he is quite upset.His wife looks worried and asks him what's wrong.He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.“Honey, what i
8.
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery.The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.“MrSmith, you're going to be just fine,” said th
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery.The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.“MrSmith, you're going to be just fine,” said th
9.
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
10.
“I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.“There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor
“I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.“There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor
11.
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
12.
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.“What's that?” says the Texan.“Oh! That's Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.“What's that?” says the Texan.“Oh! That's Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “
13.
This man wanted to get out of jury duty, so told the judge thisHe tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the be
This man wanted to get out of jury duty, so told the judge thisHe tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the be
14.
One day, a woman walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
“Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount!” the woman says.
“Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you d
One day, a woman walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
“Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount!” the woman says.
“Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you d
15.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
16.
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made.
“This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly th
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made.
“This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly th
17.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
18.
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks
19.
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.Finally his
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.Finally his
20.
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
21.
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, C
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, C
22.
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
23.
Suddenly a big burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off the stool.“That was a karate chop from Korea,” says the big man proudly.Ray sighs, gets up and brushes the dust off his clothes, sits down on the stool and continues to drink his be
Suddenly a big burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off the stool.“That was a karate chop from Korea,” says the big man proudly.Ray sighs, gets up and brushes the dust off his clothes, sits down on the stool and continues to drink his be
24.
Hi Men's Helpline,I really need your advice on a serious problem:I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.I try to stay
Hi Men's Helpline,I really need your advice on a serious problem:I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.I try to stay
25.
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.
You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests.
So what els
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.
You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests.
So what els
26.
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
27.
“How are you, darling?” it said“What kind of a day are you having?”“Oh, mother,” said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, “I've had such a bad day.The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and be
“How are you, darling?” it said“What kind of a day are you having?”“Oh, mother,” said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, “I've had such a bad day.The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and be
28.
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail timeI want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of d
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail timeI want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of d
29.
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
30.
According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day.The Lie says to the Truth: “It's a marvellous day today”!The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful.They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriv
According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day.The Lie says to the Truth: “It's a marvellous day today”!The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful.They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriv
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