1.
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
“What’s wrong?” gasps her best friend Carol.
“It’s my boyfriend.” gushes Judi.
“He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!”
“My god”, shrie
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
“What’s wrong?” gasps her best friend Carol.
“It’s my boyfriend.” gushes Judi.
“He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!”
“My god”, shrie
2.
A man was talking to one of his friends named Jim when another friend walked up to them.
The friend showed them that his head had become a giant pumpkin.
The two friends were awestruck as they watched their friend with the giant pumpkin head move st
A man was talking to one of his friends named Jim when another friend walked up to them.
The friend showed them that his head had become a giant pumpkin.
The two friends were awestruck as they watched their friend with the giant pumpkin head move st
3.
A man from Texas is vacationing in Mexico, and spends his day roaming around, taking in the sights.In the evening he goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner.As he sits there sipping his tequila, he notices that the couple at the table next to him are being
A man from Texas is vacationing in Mexico, and spends his day roaming around, taking in the sights.In the evening he goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner.As he sits there sipping his tequila, he notices that the couple at the table next to him are being
4.
Jim calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today,
I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt.
I not come work.” The boss says, “You know Jim, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell
Jim calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today,
I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt.
I not come work.” The boss says, “You know Jim, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell
5.
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did n
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did n
6.
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
7.
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis cour
8.
1Call when you say you are going to call.2Never lie, about anything.3Showing emotion is good, it does not make you weak, it makes you human.4Girls talk on “Girls Night Out” so don't be surprised if you get in trouble when we get back.5The correct answer t
1Call when you say you are going to call.2Never lie, about anything.3Showing emotion is good, it does not make you weak, it makes you human.4Girls talk on “Girls Night Out” so don't be surprised if you get in trouble when we get back.5The correct answer t
9.
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.
He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian.
Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.
He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian.
Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a
10.
A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform s..ually.He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.The medicine man says, ‘I
A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform s..ually.He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.The medicine man says, ‘I
11.
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
12.
In a part of Las Vegas humans don’t know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas… and arguing.
Lion: “Stop taking glances at my card, you’re a cheetah!” Cheetah: “No, you’re a Lion!” Warthog: “You guys are just ignoring the guy with th
In a part of Las Vegas humans don’t know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas… and arguing.
Lion: “Stop taking glances at my card, you’re a cheetah!” Cheetah: “No, you’re a Lion!” Warthog: “You guys are just ignoring the guy with th
13.
One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried.
Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bother
One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried.
Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bother
14.
A chicken farmer went to the local barHe sat next to a woman and ordered champagne.The woman said: “How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne.”“What a coincidence,” said the farmer, who added, “It is a special day for meI'm celebrating”“It is
A chicken farmer went to the local barHe sat next to a woman and ordered champagne.The woman said: “How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne.”“What a coincidence,” said the farmer, who added, “It is a special day for meI'm celebrating”“It is
15.
As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, “I must tell you my greatest secret.”His family members are all ears, urging him to go on.“When I was young, I had it all,” explains Ed“Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money.
As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, “I must tell you my greatest secret.”His family members are all ears, urging him to go on.“When I was young, I had it all,” explains Ed“Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money.
16.
A tail gunner was being court-martialed.“What did you hear in your headset?” demanded a superior officer.“Well,” replied the airman“I heard my squadron leader holler, ‘Enemy planes at 5 o'clock!”“What action did you take?' persisted another officer.“Why,
A tail gunner was being court-martialed.“What did you hear in your headset?” demanded a superior officer.“Well,” replied the airman“I heard my squadron leader holler, ‘Enemy planes at 5 o'clock!”“What action did you take?' persisted another officer.“Why,
17.
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,
when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a v**rgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,
when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a v**rgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The
18.
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when a loud cried out:“Jesus is watching you.”Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.“Jes
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when a loud cried out:“Jesus is watching you.”Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.“Jes
19.
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
20.
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.They made a decision, one day to make it,..“yesterday once more”.They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.The next day, Grandpa go
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.They made a decision, one day to make it,..“yesterday once more”.They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.The next day, Grandpa go
21.
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night.“My grandfather lived to be 96.”“Ninety-six? What finally got him?”“Liquor and women.”“Well, that just goes to show ya,” snickered the one guy, “both will get you in the end.”“Well actually, n
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night.“My grandfather lived to be 96.”“Ninety-six? What finally got him?”“Liquor and women.”“Well, that just goes to show ya,” snickered the one guy, “both will get you in the end.”“Well actually, n
22.
A man and his wife check into a hotelThe husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.She lies down on the bed when, suddenly, an elevated train passes by very close to the wind
A man and his wife check into a hotelThe husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.She lies down on the bed when, suddenly, an elevated train passes by very close to the wind
23.
… heading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were bare and she was wearing worn-out shoes. Her entire face
… heading downtown to go to the movies, when a young punk got on.She had spiked, multi-colored hair that was green, purple, and orange.Her clothes were a tattered mix of leather rags, her legs were bare and she was wearing worn-out shoes. Her entire face
24.
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
25.
In a small parish church, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest, Father Michael.
Father Michael asked the janitor, “Could you hop into the confessional and listen to confessions for me, just for a few min
In a small parish church, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest, Father Michael.
Father Michael asked the janitor, “Could you hop into the confessional and listen to confessions for me, just for a few min
26.
Two psychiatrists were at a convention.As they conversed over a drink, one asked, “What was your most difficult case?”The other replied, “I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world.He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and lea
Two psychiatrists were at a convention.As they conversed over a drink, one asked, “What was your most difficult case?”The other replied, “I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world.He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and lea
27.
Yesterday afternoon, my Mother-in-law narrowly escaped injury when the aircraft she was piloting was forced to make an emergency landing in a rural area because of bad weather.The CAA (Civil Aviation Authority) issued a preliminary report, citing pilot er
Yesterday afternoon, my Mother-in-law narrowly escaped injury when the aircraft she was piloting was forced to make an emergency landing in a rural area because of bad weather.The CAA (Civil Aviation Authority) issued a preliminary report, citing pilot er
28.
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forg
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says,
“Mom, what are those things on your chest!?”
Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn’t forg
29.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of
30.
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for adviceThe doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days.This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for adviceThe doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days.This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi
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