1.
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
2.
Two guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding.
“I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.”
His buddy replies, “Oh, there’s an easy test for that.
All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.
You paint one ball red a
Two guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding.
“I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.”
His buddy replies, “Oh, there’s an easy test for that.
All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.
You paint one ball red a
3.
Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread as a living to support his wife and three children.
He spent all his evenings after work attending classes, hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job.
Except for Sund
Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread as a living to support his wife and three children.
He spent all his evenings after work attending classes, hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job.
Except for Sund
4.
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says,
“Why don’t you
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says,
“Why don’t you
5.
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell.After recovering his consciousness, he starts t
6.
We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says: “I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?”Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…“Y
We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says: “I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?”Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…“Y
7.
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
8.
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.The next day at 8:45 is t
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.The next day at 8:45 is t
9.
An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him.They make fun of him for being old, and then one of them stubs his cigarette into the truck driver's food.Another spits in the truck driver's milk.The last one smashes the tru
An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him.They make fun of him for being old, and then one of them stubs his cigarette into the truck driver's food.Another spits in the truck driver's milk.The last one smashes the tru
10.
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300-yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before!
Marie says I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis co
The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she drove a 300-yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before!
Marie says I took lessons.
A couple of days later on the tennis co
11.
A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom…
The judge asked the duck,
“What is your crime?”
The duck responds, “I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall.”
The judge says, “There’s no crime committed here, you’re free to go.”<
A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom…
The judge asked the duck,
“What is your crime?”
The duck responds, “I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall.”
The judge says, “There’s no crime committed here, you’re free to go.”<
12.
… the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand.He walked up to her and asked, “MrsWilliams, do you know who I am?”She answered, “Of course I know who you are, MrRawley. I've known you since you were a little boy, and honestly
… the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand.He walked up to her and asked, “MrsWilliams, do you know who I am?”She answered, “Of course I know who you are, MrRawley. I've known you since you were a little boy, and honestly
13.
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
14.
Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides… when they started hearing drums in the distance.
Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?” The Natives answered, “When drums s
Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides… when they started hearing drums in the distance.
Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?” The Natives answered, “When drums s
15.
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.“No laundry” the boy said, “I'm going to wash my dog.”“Bu
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.“No laundry” the boy said, “I'm going to wash my dog.”“Bu
16.
A mother takes her daughter to a clinic
She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite, and even missed a period.
The doctor examines her, orders a bloodwork, and tells them to come back late
A mother takes her daughter to a clinic
She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite, and even missed a period.
The doctor examines her, orders a bloodwork, and tells them to come back late
17.
He says, ‘I hear you Irish are damn good drinkersI'll bet 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.'The room is quiet and no-one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.Thirty minutes later the same
He says, ‘I hear you Irish are damn good drinkersI'll bet 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.'The room is quiet and no-one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.Thirty minutes later the same
18.
A tail gunner was being court-martialed.“What did you hear in your headset?” demanded a superior officer.“Well,” replied the airman“I heard my squadron leader holler, ‘Enemy planes at 5 o'clock!”“What action did you take?' persisted another officer.“Why,
A tail gunner was being court-martialed.“What did you hear in your headset?” demanded a superior officer.“Well,” replied the airman“I heard my squadron leader holler, ‘Enemy planes at 5 o'clock!”“What action did you take?' persisted another officer.“Why,
19.
An elderly couple is both lying in bed one morning, having just woken from a good night’s sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds.
“Don’t touch me”
“Why not.” He asks?
She answers back. “Because I’m dead.”
The husband says to her.
“Wha
An elderly couple is both lying in bed one morning, having just woken from a good night’s sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds.
“Don’t touch me”
“Why not.” He asks?
She answers back. “Because I’m dead.”
The husband says to her.
“Wha
20.
Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.
He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule.
He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral,
Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.
He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule.
He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral,
21.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He said I was doing fairly well for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, ‘Do you think I'll live to be 80?'He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquo
22.
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.“Have you seen a doctor about that cold?” he asked.“No,” said Mike, “But I probably shouldDo you know a good doctor?”Pat gave him the name of his own doctor
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.“Have you seen a doctor about that cold?” he asked.“No,” said Mike, “But I probably shouldDo you know a good doctor?”Pat gave him the name of his own doctor
23.
A group of Sydney bikers were riding west when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridgeSo they stopped.George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her
A group of Sydney bikers were riding west when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridgeSo they stopped.George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her
24.
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, “Not yet!” A little later, they ask to see the baby agai
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, “Not yet!” A little later, they ask to see the baby agai
25.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.The brain said, “I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions.”The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.The brain said, “I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions.”The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”
26.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,“If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks,“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,“If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks,“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like
27.
The most famous of all debates in American history are the seven between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen ADouglas campaigning in Illinois in 1858 for a Senate seat.On one occasion, Douglas attempted to buffalo Lincoln by making allusions to his lowly start in
The most famous of all debates in American history are the seven between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen ADouglas campaigning in Illinois in 1858 for a Senate seat.On one occasion, Douglas attempted to buffalo Lincoln by making allusions to his lowly start in
28.
A young couple with a box of c*ndoms proceeded to do the wild thing.
When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six c*ndoms remaining in the box of 12,
so she asked him,
“What happened to the other five condoms?”
His nervous
A young couple with a box of c*ndoms proceeded to do the wild thing.
When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six c*ndoms remaining in the box of 12,
so she asked him,
“What happened to the other five condoms?”
His nervous
29.
Two storks are sitting in their nest:A father stork and a young storkThe young stork is crying and Father stork is trying to calm him:“Don't worry, son, your mother will come backShe's only bringing people babies and making them happy.”The next evening it
Two storks are sitting in their nest:A father stork and a young storkThe young stork is crying and Father stork is trying to calm him:“Don't worry, son, your mother will come backShe's only bringing people babies and making them happy.”The next evening it
30.
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school
He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.
He really wanted to impress everyone
He opened his new law office, but busin
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school
He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.
He really wanted to impress everyone
He opened his new law office, but busin
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