Why did the scarecrow win an award - Funny Quotes 05

1.



"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"

2.



"Don’t worry if plan A fails; there are 25 more letters."

3.



"I can resist everything except temptation."

4.



"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired."

5.



"If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?"

6.



"I thought about cleaning my house, but then I thought, ‘What’s the point? It’s just going to get dirty again.’"

7.



"I used to work at a calendar factory but got fired for taking a couple of days off."

8.



"If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you."

9.



"They say ‘don’t try this at home,’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it."

10.



"Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems."

11.



"I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?"

12.



"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

13.



"I don’t go crazy; I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time."

14.



"Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels."

15.



"I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down."

16.



"I run on caffeine, chaos, and inappropriate humor."

17.



"I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll make an exception."

18.



"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure."

19.



"I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s seven years in a row now."

20.



"I thought I hit rock bottom, but then someone handed me a shovel."

21.



"I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, so she hugged me."

22.



"I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed."

23.



"When nothing goes right, go left."

24.



"Some people wake up looking like a million bucks. I wake up looking like loose change."

25.



"I tried to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough."

26.



"Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me."

27.



"Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish."

28.



"A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand."

29.



"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."

30.



"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."