1.
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.“If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.”“It's in the judge's hands now,” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.“If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.”“It's in the judge's hands now,” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or
2.
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.“The sand traps seem to be bigger
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.“The sand traps seem to be bigger
3.
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.“Yes,” the girl says.“But I didn't ha
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick.Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.“Yes,” the girl says.“But I didn't ha
4.
An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells
An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets.
The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.
He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells
5.
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
“Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positiv
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
“Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positiv
6.
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and began re
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and began re
7.
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it's a really good idea!My girlfriend?She is a dream!But there is something that bothers me! This something is
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it's a really good idea!My girlfriend?She is a dream!But there is something that bothers me! This something is
8.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp.They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie.He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get o
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp.They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie.He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get o
9.
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar.
One is crying.
The other asks what’s wrong. “I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.”
The other drunk says “do what I do pal.
Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar.
One is crying.
The other asks what’s wrong. “I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.”
The other drunk says “do what I do pal.
Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked
10.
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
“What’s wrong?” gasps her best friend Carol.
“It’s my boyfriend.” gushes Judi.
“He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!”
“My god”, shrie
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.
“What’s wrong?” gasps her best friend Carol.
“It’s my boyfriend.” gushes Judi.
“He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!”
“My god”, shrie
11.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him wha
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him wha
12.
Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven.When they get there, StPeter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!”So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the placeIt is almost impossible
Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven.When they get there, StPeter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!”So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the placeIt is almost impossible
13.
…and sees two priests walking across the street.He staggers towards the two priests and stops in front of them.He turns to the first priest and proudly says, “I'm Jesus Christ!”The first priest shakes his head and replies, “No, son, you're not.”He then tu
…and sees two priests walking across the street.He staggers towards the two priests and stops in front of them.He turns to the first priest and proudly says, “I'm Jesus Christ!”The first priest shakes his head and replies, “No, son, you're not.”He then tu
14.
A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor.
Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor.
But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up.
The only exc
A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor.
Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor.
But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up.
The only exc
15.
She's looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.“I'd recommend this right here, ma'amIt's new to the market.”“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.“It's dam fish, ma'am.”The pastors wife abruptly says“How dare y
She's looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.“I'd recommend this right here, ma'amIt's new to the market.”“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.“It's dam fish, ma'am.”The pastors wife abruptly says“How dare y
16.
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the groundSo large that they can't see the bottom of this hole“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into holeThey wait an
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the groundSo large that they can't see the bottom of this hole“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into holeThey wait an
17.
A Catholic goes to confession. “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” He begins.
“Go on my son.” says the priest. “I swore the other day, in the most profane way.
” says the man. “Continue.” says the priest.
“I was on the golf course and I hit my
A Catholic goes to confession. “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” He begins.
“Go on my son.” says the priest. “I swore the other day, in the most profane way.
” says the man. “Continue.” says the priest.
“I was on the golf course and I hit my
18.
A generous king once ruled in the land of AndhraEvery day two beggars used to come to him for alms and he always gave them food and money.On receiving the alms one of them, the older one, used to say: “God provides.” The other beggar, the younger of the t
A generous king once ruled in the land of AndhraEvery day two beggars used to come to him for alms and he always gave them food and money.On receiving the alms one of them, the older one, used to say: “God provides.” The other beggar, the younger of the t
19.
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.“No laundry” the boy said, “I'm going to wash my dog.”“Bu
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.“No laundry” the boy said, “I'm going to wash my dog.”“Bu
20.
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible.I was put in a team with my little brother.After searching for a good spot we
21.
A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old blonde woman because her hand signals were confusing.
“First you put your hand up, like you’re turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left,” said the officer.
“I decided
A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old blonde woman because her hand signals were confusing.
“First you put your hand up, like you’re turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left,” said the officer.
“I decided
22.
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s
23.
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when a loud cried out:“Jesus is watching you.”Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.“Jes
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when a loud cried out:“Jesus is watching you.”Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.“Jes
24.
My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time.One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands.The restaurant was packed.As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of s
My 3-year-old son had a hard time with potty training and I was on him all the time.One day we stopped by McDonald's to pick up a quick bite to eat between errands.The restaurant was packed.As I was enjoying my burger, I got a really unpleasant whiff of s
25.
“Bob, I'm sorryI've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess:I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than youIt's been so incredible and fun, I've not been
“Bob, I'm sorryI've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess:I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than youIt's been so incredible and fun, I've not been
26.
A retired Italian wine maker went to the village church to make his confession for the first time in many decades.When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and
A retired Italian wine maker went to the village church to make his confession for the first time in many decades.When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and
27.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was
28.
Story: Last BoastA fir tree said boastingly to the bramble bush growing in its shade:“You are useless.Nobody wants you.I am everywhere used for roofs and houses.Men can't do without me.”“You're so right,” said the bramble.“Here's a man coming to you with
Story: Last BoastA fir tree said boastingly to the bramble bush growing in its shade:“You are useless.Nobody wants you.I am everywhere used for roofs and houses.Men can't do without me.”“You're so right,” said the bramble.“Here's a man coming to you with
29.
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
30.
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.”
intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.”
said the first nun.
“oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndo
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.”
intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.”
said the first nun.
“oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndo
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